Today ended up being a super chill Saturday, since I’m still shaking off the remnants of a flu (cold? cough? snot monster?). I spent the morning watching The Soup (the best!), Modern Marvels (Holy crap y’all they had one on Coffee and Super Markets; lurve the History Channel), and a DVRed episode of The Biggest Loser. I wish I could say I’ve sat through one episode of The Biggest Loser and managed to keep a dry eye, but I’ve found it impossible. That show manages to not be exploitative and rather showcase the heart and character of people who are so passionate about making a change.

Then the gym. I love that new AMT machine, it’s like an elliptical plus a stair climber plus a gazelle thing. Don’t even pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about. Anyway, it’s fun and I end up working off a ton of calories, which makes me feel better about not caring for the treadmill. Blergh.

After that, more coughing and stuff so I chilled with a B-Movie (let’s be honest, the quality was so far below B, it was rocking a Zed rating) on the Syfy (rename Fail) channel. It was called “Thor: Hammer of the Gods” and I guess it was supposed to be an origins tale for the comic book, but it seemed like not so much that at all. There were werewolves and bad dialog and reeeeeally bad accents and a fauxhawk. Although to be fair to the ginger (!) fauxhawk, I do believe that’s totally what the Swedes of yore were rocking. In fact, I believe Beowulf was known for establishing the soul patch. Achilles made the mullet, naturally. Anyway, the CGI was so miserable and so was the acting. I have no idea how I sat through the whole thing, but I did. None of the characters had chemistry and there was little to no action. Although someone did get split in half. Like, vertically. But better than the crappy CGI werewolf heads (because everything else was a human male body… even a female, turned into a male werewolf, please don’t ask me to explain) was the crappy CGI talking bad wolf. He was like immortal and covered in armor, but he was sooooo poorly animated. I mean… they not only screwed up the moth vocal movement, but they couldn’t even getting shading and lighting right. Also, for whatever reason Thor supposedly was stealing his brother’s girlfriend (wife?) or whatever, but they had, had all of two lines of dialog together and weirdly awkward touches. No chemistry at all. But apparently, they were destined? No, Syfy, you do not express love through “side hugs” and vacant stares.

No.

And then I decided to kill time in Target. Target, Valentine’s day is not here. It is a month away. I appreciate you not decking the store out like you normally do, but seriously? Can we pleeeeeaaaase take a break from the holidays? Especially the ones that require people to remember that they’re single?

Please? I promise not to give you a bad Scottish accent while playing a Nordic warrior. Pinky swear.

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