The follow post contains lots and lots of ranting, mention of religious practices and general obnoxiousness.

Not in the mood for the whiny crap? Here’s a cookie, please don’t jump.

Chocolate Chip Cookie

Yum! Peace offerings are delicious.

On twitter about a week ago, a friend of mine asked the question why some Christians felt it was important to quit dating for a year. Before I sound off on my opinion, let me throw out some of my experiences on the subject. I don’t claim to be an expert, but I know of some instances that would apply here.

I know of a few friends that decided to “fast” from dating for a year. It only worked with one person. The person it worked for did it more as a response to her response after her break-up (as far as I understand it). She realized the impact the break-up had and worried that she was to reliant on that, as opposed to her relationship with Christ. That’s, in my opinion, I pretty healthy response. Many non-religious/spiritual/whatever/Christian people take a break from dating after a hard break-up, so that’s pretty normal. But every other person I know who did that? Ended up jumping ship a few months in.

I hate to sound bitter, but often times it just felt like they were doing it to prove something. Like, that was the response to where they were at in their life. “Oh woe is me, I’m dateless and so clearly God is calling me to abstain from dating for a year to grow closer to him.” Me? I accepted that I was single and dealt with it. Sometimes it sucked, but more often than not it was awesome. Of course, that having been said, if you feel convicted to give up dating, by all means, do it. But don’t give some song and dance about three months later because some handsome guy starts texting you and saying that God has ordained it. God either asked you to give up dating for a year or he didn’t.

The thing that frustrates me the most is the subtext that desiring to be in a relationship makes you less of a Christian. I’ve heard, more than once, that wanting to be in a relationship means your not seeking God fully and that you’re not relying on Him enough for your needs.


Saying, “I’d like a boyfriend,” is synonymous with, “This whole God thing is weak.” Really. I know there are plenty of people who suppliment other things instead of trying to grow in their faith, but it only seems that dating gets this treatment. When someone says, “I need a ton of new outfits for spring,” every other day, she doesn’t get the rigamarole of not relying on God enough, even though shopping to extremes isn’t healthy.

Why is it just dating that gets the side-eye? Is it because it’s closely linked with ex-say? Nobody calls faith into question when someone can’t stop shoveling candy. It’s gotta be the sex thing.

But I’ll let that alone, since I have a feeling I’ll have annoyed or confused enough people.

I’ll put it this way. If you believe in the idea that God is the Heavenly creator and we were designed in a specific way, then you should believe the following. God created us to be hungry. God also created us to desire companions. If you want dinner, eat. Don’t become some greedy glutton who desires to devour everything in sight, but accept the fact that you want(need) something to eat. The same goes for relationships. Of course there is fasting, but you need to remember the reason for it: recognizing the sacrifice that was made for you. Not being able to find a date doesn’t mean you should “fast” from dating, because it’s technically not a sacrifice (it’s just a convenient excuse).

But honestly? Do what you want. It’s your personal growth, but just try to make healthy decisions, no matter what.

That having been said… I’m doing what I want. I’ve been toying with the idea of trying online dating for a while, but whenever I’ve mentioned it, the idea was generally (and openly) mocked. Friends would roll their eyes and say, “You’re pretty, you don’t need that. Guys will approach you,” or “Only weirdoes go on there.” But ya know what? Guys don’t approach me and I am a weirdo. The social scene I’m in isn’t very broad and any new guys I meet tend to hit on my friends, plus I’m so busy with work, I can’t even think about going out and meeting people haphazardly. And all of that is fine, I just want to take my singleness into my own hands.

As of Tuesday, I’m officially doing the online dating scene. I paid for my subscription and I’m diving in. And ya know what? I’m meeting nice people already. And I have a date. In less than a week.

So whatever, detractors, I’m tired of being single and I’m pretty sure God’s ok with that.